Turning a corner

I've been busy lately; no spare moment to write and no spare thought in my head to write about.

There's been a very marked change of mood in my little family unit. Anthony finished the last class he needed for his undergraduate degree. No word yet on what his grade was, but he knows that he passed. I didn't quite realize how much that class was hanging over his head (and my head too) until he finished it. He's suddenly much happier, more confident, more spontaneous.

One thing that was causing me some grief was his involvement in doing stuff for the baby. I'd ask him to do a simple thing like feed her some cereal, and he'd grumble about it. I haven't yet learned to ignore the grumbling. The other night I just started feeding her myself, and he grumbled at me for not asking him to do it. I told him I didn't want to fight about it, and that annoyed him.

Last night I made cereal for the baby, and very carefully asked him if he wanted to feed her. "Anthony, I'm just asking in case you want to do it, but if you don't, you don't have to. Would you like to feed the baby?"

He called me on tiptoeing around him. "Why do you have to ask me like that?" he said.

I sighed. "I just don't want to fight. How should I ask you so you don't get irritated with me?"

"Just say, 'Anthony, feed the baby.'"

I stuttered a bit, trying to find a way to tell him that two months ago, asking like that would've annoyed the hell out of him, but I decided not to get into it. "Ok, fine, just feed the baby."

And he did feed her. And he didn't get mad at her suppertime antics. And he helped me read to her before bed. I'm still trying to get used to this non-stressed out Anthony.

The other factor that has changed the mood for us is how my job training is going.

I had a mini-meltdown the week after session III; I got a bit overwhelmed. The session didn't go quite as well for me as I had hoped. I thought I prepared very thoroughly, but it turned out that I missed a section, and had to do a mock-tutoring session on the section I missed. I lost points on preparedness and a couple other things which I should really have had in the bag. I suddenly started to worry about the possibility of not getting the job. All that work, all that time invested, and so many of my friends and family knew about it--- to not get the job would be humiliating.

So I was worried about the job in general, and then on Thursday (two days before Session IV), I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I still had to do. It's tricky trying to get all the homework done in time. I basically have to work through every nap Téa takes, and then wait for Anthony to get home to get the bulk of it done. Then I'm still interrupted by having to feed her, change her, put her to bed. By the time 9:00 rolls around and she's out for the night, I'm often too tired to get much accomplished.

So, Thursday was upon me, I still had hours of work to get done, and I was tempted to just give up on the whole thing. Fortunately, I didn't.

Session IV went much better. I was well prepared, I had more energy; I felt better about it. At the beginning of the session I finally outed myself about being a mother. The trainer was thrilled and asked me all about the baby; apparently he wants children someday but his wife doesn't. Opening up about my family life made me feel a little more comfortable, and my grades for the session were much better than the week before. The next session is the test, and I feel confident that I can pass it.

I came out of the session feeling great. Anthony met up with me in Manhattan and we took the train to Prospect Park in Brooklyn. I wasn't expecting much, because it's the city, but it's actually a really beautiful park. When you're in the middle of it, all you can see is a vast grassy field and a little wooded area, and there's no sign of still being in Brooklyn-- no buildings in sight, no traffic noise. Téa really enjoyed herself. She was smiling and babbling to herself as we wheeled her around. She attracts quite a lot of attention whenever we're out. I sat her down in the grass, which was a new experience for her. She looked sort of bewildered; it was very cute. People walking by actually stopped to look at her. I really wish we'd had a camera on us. I don't know what I did to deserve such a sweet, beautiful little girl, but I am so proud to have her.

I keep digressing from the point, which is that we're happy. I think it's going to be a good summer for the three of us.