How I spent my summer vacation

Summer is quickly coming to an end and we survived. There were ups and downs, as there always are. But most importantly, we survived.

Highlights:

• Téa cut two teeth and is currently cutting her third. Teething is hell.
  
• I joined a Brooklyn moms group and actually met some other women. Slightly awkward since they were all about 10 years older than me and much wealthier, but socializing was still refreshing.
• I found a $50 bill on the ground.
  
• We went to Maine for a week. Téa and I went up alone on a midnight-to-8am bus ride, and she was very well behaved. It was absolutely wonderful to be around my family. However,
• I did not get invited to the wedding of one of my high school friends. There's been some drama between us, but it's long past, or so I thought. It hurt a lot, because EVERYONE else was invited and it would've been so great to see everyone again. I'm still bitter about that.
  
• The week after we went to Maine was one of the worst weeks I've had since Téa was born. I was ridiculously depressed and anxious. I'm still fighting off the depression, and I'm starting to wonder if it isn't PPD.
  
• The August heat wave was god-awful. Next summer we are getting AC, I don't care what it costs. I refuse to spend any more time in a humid 90-degree apartment with a sticky, grumpy child.
  
• One of the root causes of that horrible week was me fretting about starting work. Starting a new job always causes me ridiculous levels of anxiety; I hate doing things when I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing. And there was just no alleviating the anxiety until I had my first lesson with a student. I've now taught four lessons, and I feel completely better about it. It's actually fun, something I look forward to. It's nice to get out of the house.
• The day before yesterday, Téa took her first steps. Three in a row. She hasn't repeated it since, but she has been practicing standing up all on her own, which is very cute. Most of the time she'll stand up just so she can dance. She loves dancing, and actually has rhythm, which amazes us.
  
• Anthony started a part-time job. It's only 4 to 6 hours a week; on Wednesdays and Thursdays he goes to work early so he can go to his second job afterward, and comes home late. Both of us working part-time is great for our financial situation, but those long days are rough. Mothers were not meant to stay home alone with babies day in and day out with no friends or family. You know those stories of depressed moms who kill their children? Andrea Yates? Yeah, that all makes sense to me now.
  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to kill my baby, no matter how tempting it sometimes is. But there are times when I REALLY REALLY need a break, and there's no break in sight. My mom is hundreds of miles away. My best friends live several states away. My in-laws... let's not go there. But there is no help. And when Téa is teething, and it's hot, and I can't stop her crying, and I haven't showered in days, and it's been almost a year since I had a stretch of sleep more than a few hours... You see where I'm going with this. Sometimes (OFTEN) I think Anthony can't possibly appreciate what I do and how insane it is driving me.

And that's a whole other rant I don't want to get into.

Basically Téa's at that tough age where she's getting around like a toddler, but there's no communicating with her. I've heard this described as "legs without brains." I know toddlerhood marks the beginning of a tough stage of meltdowns and defiance, but I look forward to being able to communicate somewhat.

Anyway, like I said, we survived. And the summer heat has thankfully abated. We'll get into our groove, hopefully.