Dreams

I've been having some disturbances lately. Insomnia, nightmares, exhaustion, random pains. Possibly the winter blues kicking in, as it usually does. Téa's not been sleeping as well as before; I guess her 4 month sleep regression is starting early.

I dreamed I was pregnant again, and it wasn't Anthony's. Somehow I'd had an abortion and was still pregnant, and I was terrified that the baby would come out deformed.

I also dreamed that I took a wrong turn while skiing, and had to ski down this giant cliff. There were these little ski jumps every several hundred feet, and then I was falling off the cliff again. The final ski jump had boulders falling onto it, and I was sure I'd be crushed. But I wasn't, and then I fell into a freezing lake and had to swim to shore. Once I pulled myself out, I found myself right near a warm building, and went in to recover.

I'm contemplating starting to do Lacanian analysis on my dreams, which involves writing them down in detail as soon as I wake up. I've been wanting to do this for years, and I do have the perfect set-up-- the streetlights make our bedroom light enough to read in at night with all our lights off. I wake up at least once in the night to feed the baby, and could probably write while she's eating. Interrupted sleep makes for the best, most vivid and analyzable (made-up word?) dreams. And I've been dreaming a lot. I remember them when I wake up, but soon forget them.

I think I'll put a notebook next to the bed tonight.